The Tales of Carmensakura

I was going to get mad at myself for putting my novel that is unfinished on hold. But then, I realized that, just this year alone, I have wrote a lot more than I did last year or the year before that. And that is good. For the first time, I have a finished work which is a short story. Yay! I actually finished something and that feels good. It makes me feel like a bonafide writer. Other than that, I have an ongoing projects such as my naruto hashimada fanfiction. I know fanfiction shouldn't quite count but it does because it forces me to write and to have deadlines. So, it's a good thing. It's pushing me and stretching me further as a writer. I really like that.  And, I have new stories but they do originate from me combining two completed (idea wise) stories together. Yup, this is just me being lazy, trying to shorten my to write list. But the crazy thing is, by combining two different stories together, I come to have something that is much more solid, crazy a

Losing will always sting. It will always hurt. The dissappointment will always be there. It will never go away. It only gets less painful as you realized that it doesn't matter. Losing sucks. I admit that. And maybe, it had made me bitter because I know what it feels like to watch your dreams die. And maybe, that is the reason why I haven't been fitting well in university life. I see so many youngsters with bright, sparkling eyes. Eyes that have known no deep pain. Souls that haven't been made to bend and break by the winds of life. So young and innocent. It's not like I do not have any friends. I do. They are all my friends but it's just that the connection isn't quite there.  Like we are wearing different tinted glasses and seeing from different point of views. It's as if we live in different worlds. But it's interesting. As much as I felt alone and lonely this year, I have never quite felt so surrounded by friends. It'

Writing has always come so naturally to me. Personally, I enjoy writing a lot. So, when I found out recently that what I wrote in the past can come back to haunt me, it surprises me. When I write, I do it for my sake. Therefore, if my writing has ever offended anyone, then, I am sorry. I never meant to offend. I have always wrote to express myself. Even when I wrote stories such as Coeur Noir or anything, it is for my own self-expression.  I know, some people might say, keep this writing in private then if it may offend people. Well, true.... But then again, stories are meant to be told. And so, I write and let them be known. Speaking of stories, I have just finished writing a short story on greek mythology. It's about Hades & Persephone. It is called, " Aletheia  " Personally, I am very proud of this. Even though, it did take me a week to complete this but I am glad because it is my first finished work as a writer. YA

Ah, the power of words. Everyone would think that a writer, of all people, would know its' power. I thought I knew. But I didn't. Words that I wrote from a long, long time ago are coming back to haunt me. And I guess, it burns. I don't feel the need to apologize for those words though. No. Because at that time, it was how I felt. And yes, maybe, it was bad. But it was how I felt. I am not going to pretend these feelings didn't exist. Because the last time I did, it turned out badly. If you feel the need to talk about it, come to me. But if you don't, then, it's alright. I am not going to lie. I do not miss my childhood friends. But I don't hate them either. However, I am tired. Tired of trying so hard, only to get burned. Tired of helping, only to get stabbed. But it also makes me sad. Because I wished that we did not have a falling out. Sadly, we did. And as my other friends said, what is done is done. Now, I have to move on.

I realize that balance in life is a little hard to achieve at times. I mean, this is my life and so, I want to be happy. And I thought balance is the key. To have fun and study at the same time. But I find that balance hard to find. If I study, I don't get to party or have fun. But if I have party and have fun, my studies are neglected. That pisses me off a little. But that doesn't mean I am giving up. I will keep trying to find this balance. This is my life and I want to live it. I want to do well in everything. Maybe, I am a little greedy that way but that is who I am. By the way, I think my internet addiction is back. Yup, that's bad. It's hard to resist the internet when the computer lab is only next door to my classes. I find it hard to stop myself and this is absolutely horrible. SIGHS. Everything is spinning out of control, sadly. But I have to do my best to fix things. Wish me luck~~!