The Tales of Carmensakura

I do admit that sometimes emotions are messy, annoying and loud. I do understand why some people might hate their emotions or having emotions.  However for me, I have never truly hated my emotions. Personally, I have always liked to sit down and pick my emotions out bit by bit.  I like to try to understand why I feel a certain way and sometimes, that helps to give me back some control. That's why most of the times, I understand why I feel a certain way. When I am aware why I feel a certain way, I can sometimes slowly change my own emotions consciously. However, there are times when the emotion is so overwhelming that even though I understand why I feel this way, there is still no way to relief myself from these emotions. This is where I feel extremely lucky that I write. I still remember a period in my life where I was extremely upset and at that point, I didn't really quite understand why. But I wrote. I remember carving out my emotions and inserting them i

Well, school started and it's only one month in but it's been getting really busy. Yes, I been busy. I just hate it how people assume I am free or that my course is easier because I am taking something related to finance and that my course has no assignments. Guess what, they are wrong. This course isn't easy. Seriously, the next idiot who says that about my course will get a textbook thrown at them. There is alot of reading and understanding involved in my course. So, that takes time. I been a little stressed because I feel that : 1) I don't have enough time ever 2) I am taking a long time to read and understand the subject matter 3) I feel stupid compared to my other classmates. I'm beginning to find that the worse enemy is yourself. Because I am feeling stressed and frustrated due to the fact that I feel that I am not good enough or that I am not doing enough. And sincerely, I need to stop. Because these emotions won't be helpful for m

This week has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I don't know why exactly but my emotions has been all over the place. Anger. Frustration. Happiness. Boredom. Stress. But I guess that's just school talking. But I really need to learn relax and calm down. Because I panic, get frustrated and angry really easily. Yup. 

Honestly, when I turned 21, I must admit that I felt a little scared and unsure. I don't know why but when I turned 21, I didn't feel 21. What I mean is, I don't quite feel like an adult. I don't feel like I am in complete control of my life. And I certainly feel like maybe, I am being left out. I see everyone around me who turned 21 and they all seem so 21. They have nice parties. They wear pretty dresses. They walk around like they are grown up. And then, you have me. But as time passes by, I don't feel like that anymore. I mean, yes, I may not wear pretty dresses or whatever. But I am okay with that now. In the past, I felt all these pressure. I felt like I was missing out. But not anymore. So now, I just worry about what I am doing. And honestly, I am very happy with the life I lead. In fact, I consider myself very lucky. I am studying what I like. I like the feeling of constantly learning. And yes, even though the university w

University already started. And I should be paying attention to my books. But once in a while, I write. Or rather, I only write during one class(this class bores me. hahaha) Oddly enough, this class makes me write poems. I usually don't write poems. But this class makes me write poems. So just this week alone, I wrote two poems. And I am gonna post the links here. So yea. Go check it out : My very Moriarty poem This poem is written when I was thinking about BBC Moriarty from Sherlock Holmes. I could imagine Moriarty saying this. So this is a poem for him. Thy a random old english, olden day like poem.