The Tales of Carmensakura

I just finished reading All The Bright Places by Jennifer Niven. And my, it made me think of so so many things. Where do I even begin? First and foremost, it reminded me of high school and youth. It's been a long time since I read a book that made me reflect about my own past as well because this book related to me. Let's start with high school and youth. The characters are young and are in high school. They reminded me of my time in high school. They reminded me of how high school is a mess. I wonder why puberty can be such a pain in the ass. Just like the characters, I have felt very strongly. Everything was so emotionally charged back then. High school to me, was bittersweet. I had good memories and bad memories. Just like Finch, I know what it's like to be called weird . Or a freak . So when those words echoed in the book, I could feel it cut through me. And suddenly, there I was again. 14 years old. Standing in my class. People saying those words. A

The lockdown is here. And it's great that some people are staying home, starting projects or doing things they always wanted to try out. I envy that slightly. I still have to go to work so I don't have that luxury of time that everyone seems to have right now. But also, I have anxiety. I been at home during the weekends and wow, I feel even more anxious at home without anything to distract me. Atleast at work, I have work to distract me. So when I see posts that go, instead of being anxious, go start a project or do things that you always want to do, only pisses me off. Do you know how anxiety works? Because that's not it. Anxiety is like having that voice at the back of your head, just going off. Imagine an alarm going off. Anxiety is an alarm. Yes, you can ignore that alarm for a while. But it's still there. So all these advice such as go do something you like, it's not very helpful.  I can't do anything I like right now. I just want it

I haven't blogged in a while because I kinda forgot to blog. Plus, I found it hard to blog lately. I used to use blogging as an online journal but lately, I found out that when I blogged now, it was usually the polished version of my thoughts which made it feel a little fake. So because of that, I stopped for a while. I thought it would be better to be writing in my real journal where I could be real and raw. Get as ugly as I can. I don't think I can ever be as real and raw here. It feels too exposed here because everyone in the internet can read it. Although that's unlikely because I don't get much hits here though. Anyway, I thought I should blog in these monumental times because what's happening today is unprecedented. It's in a way, history in the making. Anyway, thanks to the Covid19, my country is in lockdown. Unfortunately for me, I don't feel much of the effects because I still go to work. I work in the essential services so I'm allowed