I read on two of my friend's blogs about writing essays in high school. (oh, you know who you are. LOL) And it made me want to write about my own essays in high school. I enjoyed writing so much. It was fun. Creating worlds and characters that didn't exist. It was like walking into a whole different world where you were the god. Everything was your whim and fancy. Creating characters just to kill them off. (I know I'm a cruel person. LOL) Weaving plots together. Creating whole new worlds up. It was just incredible. I loved writing so much. And as a student, there was a lot of essays to write in high school. Honestly, even though my essays were good, my teachers hated them. Why? Because my stories were not happy, clean or filled with moral values. I liked putting death, torture and despair in my stories. My teachers would frown and tell me to stop. And I would laugh, saying no. I remember, at that time, my favourite was writing about ...
I was watching some anime this week and it made me wonder. Am I broken? Am I bitter now? Have I grown into a sad pathetic person? I don't quite know. I fell down. I watched my dreams disappear in front of my very eyes. But I would like to think that I moved on. But have I? I don't quite know. Did the me who believe dreams and possibilities died? I hope not. I mean, if I did, it's better to bury me because then, I have forgotten what matters. Yes, I don't have a grand plan anymore. Why? Because grand plans are overrated. Life can change course and everything changes. And you may never achieve that plan. But I don't quite know if I don't have grand plans because I know life is unpredictable or because I am afraid of failure. Pain changes a person. But I don't want it to make me bitter. But just because I don't have a plan doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Because it also means that I am extremely flexible. Right no...
Lately, my fear has been loud again. I'm still on my job hunt. and my fear just keeps yelling at me what if you don't find a job what if no one wants you And it's scary. I don't come from a family where money is ever flowing The thought that I would be incomeless is scary to me suddenly. Because it means, whatever it is I planned for my financial goals come to a stop now. I'm not sure if the job industry is hard or if I'm looking at the wrong jobs. But yes, I'm scared. I told myself to stop whining and fearing. I told myself to not speak negatively. And although I say nothing to people. This is still my general feeling. I'm beginning to feel tired and scared. But then again, I remember one thing about myself. I have alot of fears. I have always been a fearful child. And although I'm absolutely afraid right now, I keep telling myself that I won't settle. No. I won't. I will still do my best. After all,...
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Lazy ...
Tired ..
Thank you for your hard work !!
Just see a few words ... sleep already ..
ZZzz