Life of a salaryman

 

I been watching some Japanese drama and it's been hitting home for me.

I was watching one Japanese drama that happens to also be a comedy but I could relate to one of the main characters because our jobs were quite similar.

We both worked in big corporations.

We both had to analyse things.

He and I were alike because we both didn't hate our jobs. We rather enjoyed it and took pride in the work that we did. But in a big corporation, when you are one worker in a sea of many workers, it's easy to be invisible and under appreciated. I completely understood that.

When I was watching this drama, I had friends who were having an awakening. A friend of mine quit his job because he can no longer stand a job. The idea of working 9-6 disgusted him. He said we were wasting our time and time is our life so why are we doing that.

It made me rethink. I am also working a 9-6. Am I wasting my time? And at that time, I did feel rather under appreciated. I was also wondering what am I doing? But unlike my friend, to quit just like that is insane. I also happen to need the salary.

But this is what I am. A salary man. No more and no less.

From the outside, I do look alright. I have a good job in a good company. It pays fine. I could do with more salary of course but that's life.

Anyhow, I started watching another Japanese drama and it was somewhat therapeutic for me.

I been feeling down lately because I felt that I lack a purpose and ambition. However, after watching this series, it's just good to know that it's okay to have silly little things to keep going such as enjoying a meal at the end of the day.

Personally, I am aware that everyone has their own definition of success. I am aware that people can do what they like and live how they like. All of this is no one else business. I am aware that we don't have to comply with society's standard and all that. We can do what we like and live how we like. 

I know all of this.

And yet, for myself, I asked myself what is my definition of success? Was it enough? Was I slacking? Was I being unambitious? And I had no answers. So I just end up being confused and frustrated.

When we all young, we were all fed a certain narratives. So now as an adult, I feel like I'm lacking sometimes because well, it doesn't live up to the narrative I had as a child. But the world is different now and sometimes life just doesn't work that way.

And most of all, do I really want that narrative or is that narrative just something I thought I want because society told me so?

Honestly, all of this is just hard and confusing sometimes.

So I like this new Japanese drama because it doesn't pretend. 

Because sometimes, we are just normal and mediocre people and that's fine. It's okay to want to keep going for a beer or a steamed dumpling. We may not have huge dreams and that's fine. 

I relate to the main character in the sense that, I care about what's important to me which are my family and friends. It's what keeps me going. Most of all, it's okay to have something like this to keep me going.

It's just okay to be you. Even if it's just a small existence.

Of course, if you want to have a big and loud existence, go ahead. But for now, it's just comforting to see on screen that it's okay to just be.