A story of a cutter.
This is the first blog post that will have nothing to do with me but rather of a close friend of mine. I want to post her story as I want her voice to be heard.(Yea, she doesn't blog or tweet)
This close friend of mine is a cutter. She cuts herself. I, myself too wondered why would she do such a thing.
Was it a punishment?
Was it a hobby?
What was it?
So this close friend of mine, named T. She is an ordinary 16 year old girl like me, the only differences is that she cuts herself. You think that she may come from a screwed up family with issues. But that was not her case.
She had 2 wonderful parents who loved her and showered her with love. They never really pressured her on anything.
She is smart, thin, from a well to do family and pretty. So...where exactly does her problem lie?
She said that she started cutting by accident. She started when she was 14 years old. She accidently cut herself on a broken glass while picking pieces of broken vase. When the glass cut her skin, make her bleed. It felt good and icy. Her mind felt alive and hynoptized by the blood that drip out.
The pain she said was like an adreanaline rush.It made her feel good. Sometimes, she would play with her blood by trying to write with it. Sometimes, she would taste her blood. She said, it didn't taste good. It just tasted salty and irony. But she would begin to panic when too much blood bled out. Immediately, she would try to stop the bleeding.
Then, when the cut began to scar, she would regret it. She would wish she didn't cut. A part of her wanted the scar to go away so that she could move on and a part of her wanted the scar to stay because she wanted to remind herself.
Then, she would began the terrible cycle all over again.
I asked her why she do this. She said, she herself didn't know. But soon, she realised that it was because of her self-esteem. She may seem confident on the outside but she was very doubtful and afraid in the inside.
She mocked herself every single day. She didn't had any nice words for herself even if the entire world praised her.
She also felt that everything was her fault, her responsibilty. She always felt that she should have done more, said more or cared more.
Everyday, she hides her scars. I asked her if she was ever going to get help. She said she didn't know. She was scared. She knew she needed help but she didn't have the courage to say so. (And to make it worse, her father is a psychiatrist. Yea, her dad doesn't know.)
She said that maybe she would get help one day. But she was afraid that people would look at her and think of her as a crazy loony person. I told her she wasn't crazy. She simply smiled.
I talked to her and be by herside. She has always been by mine. We were so close that we even learned to play the same instrument, the violin so that we could duet with each other and to see who improved faster. We even stopped playing the violin at the same time. (BTW, T, I plan to relearn the violin so...you get my drift.)
I hope she will get help. I hope she will learn to chill & accept herself but I know it will not be so easy.
IF you have a friend in need, help them.
I hope you understand cutters better. I hope you won't look at them as a crazy loony person. I hope you will help your friend in need. Or rather, anyone in need.
Take care, T. I hope the next time I see you, I hope you'll be better. If you're reading this. Sorry...I did warn you about my blogging disease. XP
This close friend of mine is a cutter. She cuts herself. I, myself too wondered why would she do such a thing.
Was it a punishment?
Was it a hobby?
What was it?
So this close friend of mine, named T. She is an ordinary 16 year old girl like me, the only differences is that she cuts herself. You think that she may come from a screwed up family with issues. But that was not her case.
She had 2 wonderful parents who loved her and showered her with love. They never really pressured her on anything.
She is smart, thin, from a well to do family and pretty. So...where exactly does her problem lie?
She said that she started cutting by accident. She started when she was 14 years old. She accidently cut herself on a broken glass while picking pieces of broken vase. When the glass cut her skin, make her bleed. It felt good and icy. Her mind felt alive and hynoptized by the blood that drip out.
The pain she said was like an adreanaline rush.It made her feel good. Sometimes, she would play with her blood by trying to write with it. Sometimes, she would taste her blood. She said, it didn't taste good. It just tasted salty and irony. But she would begin to panic when too much blood bled out. Immediately, she would try to stop the bleeding.
Then, when the cut began to scar, she would regret it. She would wish she didn't cut. A part of her wanted the scar to go away so that she could move on and a part of her wanted the scar to stay because she wanted to remind herself.
Then, she would began the terrible cycle all over again.
I asked her why she do this. She said, she herself didn't know. But soon, she realised that it was because of her self-esteem. She may seem confident on the outside but she was very doubtful and afraid in the inside.
She mocked herself every single day. She didn't had any nice words for herself even if the entire world praised her.
She also felt that everything was her fault, her responsibilty. She always felt that she should have done more, said more or cared more.
Everyday, she hides her scars. I asked her if she was ever going to get help. She said she didn't know. She was scared. She knew she needed help but she didn't have the courage to say so. (And to make it worse, her father is a psychiatrist. Yea, her dad doesn't know.)
She said that maybe she would get help one day. But she was afraid that people would look at her and think of her as a crazy loony person. I told her she wasn't crazy. She simply smiled.
I talked to her and be by herside. She has always been by mine. We were so close that we even learned to play the same instrument, the violin so that we could duet with each other and to see who improved faster. We even stopped playing the violin at the same time. (BTW, T, I plan to relearn the violin so...you get my drift.)
I hope she will get help. I hope she will learn to chill & accept herself but I know it will not be so easy.
IF you have a friend in need, help them.
I hope you understand cutters better. I hope you won't look at them as a crazy loony person. I hope you will help your friend in need. Or rather, anyone in need.
Take care, T. I hope the next time I see you, I hope you'll be better. If you're reading this. Sorry...I did warn you about my blogging disease. XP
Comments
So worry about her.
Beside my friends !!
No people actting like her.
For me or other people also will think she is crazy but I know crazy people not born started is crazy or what !!
They may be got bad things past though their life only.
I know if we find out their need.
They will no problem and happy healthy again.
If one days I need a friend like that.
I will try helpping them, love them ,care them.
Because I know, let me to know her or him is means GOD let us to meet up !!
Thank for sharing it.