The Tales of Carmensakura

I have taken so many personality quizzes in my life but my favourite has always been the Myers-Briggs personality quiz. You can take the quiz here . Or you can google it and find a more accurate one according to your taste. Your choice. I have found the Myers-Briggs personality quiz to be the easiest to take and the results are quite accurate. Not only that, the results are understandable too. Harder ones are sometimes too complicated but I love those too. Anyhow, I am an ENFP. In some ways, it's quite true. I am that way, in some sense. But of course, I have to remember that the personality type result is not everything. I am more than just an ENFP. I am also a person.  But having a personality type result do help to explain alot of things and make  you feel less alone at times. lol. Anyhow, as an ENFP, we have a major problem at times. We are both feeling and intuitive. So that means, we are good at perceiving things and noticing little details of people. We...

Recently, I visited a friend in a hospital with other friends because she had dengue fever. As I visited her in the hospital, all of a sudden, I felt very grown up.  Maybe, it's because most of my university classmates are turning 21 this year and I can tell that some of them takes it seriously. They do throw parties and such. I turned 21 last year however, it never quite mean anything to me because I didn't have time to think about it. I had to focus on my exams and so that drowned out all thoughts about turning 21. Even though I did turn 21 and that was supposed to signify that I have now become a grown up but I never quite felt like an adult. Well, I wouldn't say that I feel like a child or a teenager. But I feel like I am in between the transition of a teenager and an adult. I am neither here or there. And at first, I did feel left out because through facebook, I could see that most of my high school classmates have grown into adults through their dressings...

Yay, I just turned 21. That is how I should be feeling but in reality, I don't. Hahaha. I guess it's because the trials exam are on at the same time as my birthday. And so, it wasn't great to have my birthday during the trials. It doesn't help that on my birthday, it was the two papers that I most despised which was maths and stats. My maths and stats aren't so good. And doing those two papers was horrible. I think I might have failed those two papers but oh well. But I am very stressed because there is only 20+ days left to my real exams. My finals. And I am truly afraid. However, at least with the trials, it's practice for real exam. I get to learn where my mistakes are and do my best not to repeat it. Well, there is 20+ days left. LET'S DO THIS. WE CAN DO THIS. WE GOT THIS!!

I thought all hope was lost and that once you are broken, you are always broken. No matter what you do, you cannot change the fact that you were broken before. And that is where you belong. However, just as I was about to believe this, hope came. It was as if the universe was trying to show me that being broken doesn't mean everything. That, yes, life sucks at times but this is life. Life is filled with both sweetness and bitterness. That is life. It was trying to show me that there is endless possibilities if I looked harder. It was trying to show me to hold on and yet let go at the same time. It was trying to tell me that I need to be flexible. Most of all, it was trying to say that life is a journey that goes on. So, it tells me to stop looking at the black hole of my life. Look forward instead. After all, that's where we are headed.

Well, life is full of up and down. Even in one week. Before my school started, I went on a one day trip to a hill where there is a japanese garden and a french themed place. I had a nice lunch. YUM. So, this really motivated me. And it reminded that this is my life. I can achieve anything I want. Yes, things may not be great now but that doesn't mean that they are impossible. I can do this. I can do all the things I want. I don't have to wait for the right moment because there isn't one. I can do this now. Since this is my life, I have to live it. I have to live it to the fullest. Then, university started. Things got rough because there were long lectures, difficult things that needed understanding and thick textbooks that require reading. And it is frustrating because it feels like there isn't enough time in the world. I got scared. What if I can't do this? But then, I stop myself right there. This is what I wanted. I will have ...

This week has been a crazy week, filled with emotions. One day, it was filled with confusion and doubts. The next day, it was filled with hope.  Then, it was filled with despair. Later, it was filled with clarity, relief and certainty. So, as you can tell, this week has been a roller coaster ride. Thankfully, I had friends by my side as I sat down to think, smile, cry or scream. Even if they didn't say anything, just knowing that they are by my side really helped me calm down. Even if all they said was, how was your day? Just knowing that they cared, helped. And talking helps too. At first, I thought that my life has fallen apart because my A-levels result was not what I wanted. But now, I'm beginning to realize that this is just the way the universe was putting everything in place for me. That even though this hurts, it is for my own good. It is for me. So, right now, I want to believe in the universe trying to help me. But the universe can only help you if y...

Doubt and Trust by access. That song was probably not necessary but I wanted it to be there. It's probably one of my favourite songs and it popped up immediately when I thought about doubts. My friend, Min was right. Doubts are bad. They corrode us.  They chip us away, bit by bit. And that's no good. But we are humans. We will have our worries. We will have our doubts. But once again, she was right. Think, by all means, before you make your decision. But after that, don't doubt it. Just go into it with all your heart. Because,  if you doubt, that is the only thing stopping you. Meaning, you are only stopping yourself. I'm so proud of Min and how she found this wisdom. It amazes me. How I couldn't see that, maybe, it was my doubts that caused me to fall hard. And she could. I'm glad that she shared that with me. So no more doubts. Yes, once in a while, we will doubt. But I will not let it ruin me anymore. I want to trust myself...

This is gonna be a really long post. Don't say I didn't warn you. *cheeky smile* Well, my A level will come to an end in a few more months. Honestly, this course has been a very interesting course. A level is a pressure cooker where you are under constant stress and there's not much breathing space. Frankly, it's like all Pre-University courses, it's tough. Trust me, if you survive Pre-U, you'll be able to survive anything. Yes, it's that bad. But the thing is, I have learnt and experienced so much in this past year. I have even seen parts of myself that I have never seen before. In that sense, A levels taught me so much. It tortures me, true enough but out of every storm, I learn something. I see things in better clarity now. As much as I have learnt, I realized that there are many things that I need to learn and need to improve on myself. I promise myself to continue learning. In A levels, I have laughed the loudest, cried the hardest, hurt ...

Since my final year exam is over, my stress level has really been reduced. I'm so much more relaxed now. Anyhow, I feel bored. So currently, I'm having my reading mood on~! I would love to read so many books that I haven't read yet but always wanted to read. So here's a list : -The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo series by Stieg Larsson -Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins -Leviathan series by Scott Westerfeld -All of Madeline Wickham books. -The remains of the day by Kazuo Ichiguro If you have any good books, please recommend me. Yea, I know I am pathetic for not having read Hunger Games or Stieg Larsson. But that's because I have school and not enough time to read such awesome books. sigh. I found out that my college library has Stieg Larsson's and Kazuo Ichiguro books, so I'm just gonna borrow them...but I think, I'll have to buy the rest. Sigh..... But since, I have none of these books, I started rereading Uglies by Scott Westerf...

I guess it's time I grow up. When high school is over, I have to grow up, be a mature and a responsible little young lady. There's alot of things I have to learn. To be honest, I'm a little afraid of leaving graduating from high school. WHY? I mean, I've been going to school for years. And the thought that it will finally end is a relief but also a little frightening. But it's a new chapter in life. Everyone goes through it. So yea, I'm afraid but excited at the same time. There's so much to do after the graduating. College, driver licence & etc... I guess I'll miss high school a little. Never thought it would end...but yea, it will soon enough. Before I left high school, I need some closure. I mean, I made some friends & lost some friends. I do have some regrets. I was such an idiot and arrogant ass last time. So yea, before high school end, I need to send some letters to the few people I hurt. But I guess, that's high school. You make a hel...

Thomas Edison is smart man and most of all, a very strong man. He never gave up and I admire that. He could have given up after the 10th failure but he didn't because his curiousity kept him at it. Amazing man. He is so good in reframing himself and changing his thoughts into better ones. And that is not something easy to do. His positive thinking definately helped him alot in discovering the lightbulb. That quote is so awesome. I mean, it's so cool to think that way. When people say they have tried and failed one million times, he would say try one million and one. He always believes in trying just one more time. And due to that, I admire him. So self-mastery before any other mastery. Your thoughts are what determined your actions and your actions creates your results. That's why I read self-help books to help & push myself. I wanna be the author in my life. I so dislike people who says that self-help is crap or that they all the same. They're not. Different author...