Growing up?

Recently, I visited a friend in a hospital with other friends because she had dengue fever. As I visited her in the hospital, all of a sudden, I felt very grown up. 

Maybe, it's because most of my university classmates are turning 21 this year and I can tell that some of them takes it seriously. They do throw parties and such.

I turned 21 last year however, it never quite mean anything to me because I didn't have time to think about it. I had to focus on my exams and so that drowned out all thoughts about turning 21.

Even though I did turn 21 and that was supposed to signify that I have now become a grown up but I never quite felt like an adult.

Well, I wouldn't say that I feel like a child or a teenager. But I feel like I am in between the transition of a teenager and an adult. I am neither here or there.
And at first, I did feel left out because through facebook, I could see that most of my high school classmates have grown into adults through their dressings and certain mannerisms.

And then, there was me.
Still clad in my t-shirt and jeans.
Still rocking out to my favourite music.
Still watching my anime.
Point is, it doesn't seem like I changed alot, externally.

However, I have to admit that I have changed alot internally.
Going through A-levels opened up my eyes in so much ways.
And then I'm currently doing my degree, that has also opened up my mind in ways I couldn't imagine. 

Internally I changed so much that sometimes it surprises me. It just feels that I am so far away from my past but at the same time, not. 
I know that sentence is contradictory but that's because as much as I have changed and as much as that is very different from my past, it isn't. The reason for that is because, the change that I had is me becoming who I truly am.

I have begun to embrace myself, weirdness and all. I stopped hiding the fact that I am flawed and weird. In a way, I accepted myself. Flaw and all.

I didn't accept myself in the past. I just thought that I accepted myself but I didn't but I was slowly getting there. 

Anyway, I digress. I felt grown up all of sudden and it was a really interesting feeling. I was also oddly enough very comfortable with that thought.

Even though I didn't quite have absolute control of my life yet but I did feel that my life is in my hands and my future is for me to make.
And that feels absolutely exciting, electric and exhilarating.
But of course, I am not without fears and doubts.

I am only human but the excitement and exhilaration is much higher than the fears and doubts.
Who knows what will happen from now on but I know that I will definitely enjoy the ride.