The Tales of Carmensakura

  I been watching some Japanese drama and it's been hitting home for me. I was watching one Japanese drama that happens to also be a comedy but I could relate to one of the main characters because our jobs were quite similar. We both worked in big corporations. We both had to analyse things. He and I were alike because we both didn't hate our jobs. We rather enjoyed it and took pride in the work that we did. But in a big corporation, when you are one worker in a sea of many workers, it's easy to be invisible and under appreciated. I completely understood that. When I was watching this drama, I had friends who were having an awakening. A friend of mine quit his job because he can no longer stand a job. The idea of working 9-6 disgusted him. He said we were wasting our time and time is our life so why are we doing that. It made me rethink. I am also working a 9-6. Am I wasting my time? And at that time, I did feel rather under appreciated. I was also wondering wha...

This is about what I feel regarding money. Hence this is going to be a long and rather personal post. Disclaimer, this are just my thoughts. There's no right or wrong when it comes to this kind of things. Money. Let's be real. I have alot of emotions attached to it. I even majored in something related to money because I was just so curious.  Thanks to what I studied, I understood how the financial system work and why it was created. Learning about it gave me the illusion that I understood it. It also made me think that I was rational when it came to money. But the reality wasn't true and it also took time for me to figure that out. When I got my first job and handled my own finances, I took pride in doing it right. I tracked my expenses and I even have a spreadsheet of my bank accounts. I knew where my money was and what I did with it. (Not that I had much. Haha) The thing that mattered was that I was doing all the right things. But despite doing these things, it di...

I know I'm one of the rare ones who have said that I enjoy adulthood.  As I said before, I enjoy the freedom of being able to steer your life to where you want it to go. Of course, the question would be to decide where you want to go? And honestly, I haven't quite decided. I really need to get that sorted out. Honestly, although I personally do like adulthood, some parts of it is definitely tough. The other day, someone said that I should start planning for next year and what I want to do? And what I want to learn? I always find that as an adult, time is a very valuable resource. But despite saying that, I end up wasting it anyway sometimes.  I admit that there is so many things I want to learn and do. And sometimes I end up not doing anything because I'm just so overwhelmed. Honestly, I don't want to choose sometimes. Because it means tossing away the other possibilities which I want I guess. I know, we can't always have it all.  But sometimes, I r...

"All I see is Green Lights. All I spit is real life. Bet you don't know what that's like. - NF" I was just thinking about where I am and my life. And this song by NF just plays in my head and honestly, that's how I feel.    I just got started with my journey with life. I know that I been alive for 25 years now but it only truly felt like it started about a year back.  And I did enjoy being an adult because although it was tiring and confusing, I like the idea of being able to do what you want. To be able to sit in the front seat with your hands on the steering wheel. To be the one in charge of your life.  I admit that I was confused, scared and filled with pride. I wanted everything and yet I was scared of everything. I was impatient. I wanted the world and yet, I didn't want to put in the effort at first because I was afraid of failure. And for a moment, I was worried that if I chose a path, I had to be committed to it and what if that path suck...

I must admit that travelling isn't exactly my priority in life. But once in a while, my wanderlust hit me and I go travelling.  I still remember the days when I was in Alevels and all I wanted to do at that moment was to take a train to nowhere. In the sense of traveling, that hasn't changed. I enjoy just setting out and going somewhere. Where? I don't really know or care sometimes. But it would be good if the place is foreign. As in, a culture or a land I know pretty much nothing about. Anyway, my wanderlust hit me and I ended up in Hanoi.  Honestly, I fell in love with that charming city.  I love the hustle and bustle. The constant stream of people and noises. The narrow streets.  Maybe it's because I was born and bred in the city. But I have always enjoyed the city and its busy streets. There's a pulse about cities. And every city's pulse is different. And what makes a city alive is always its people.  Same earth. Dif...

I was reading a book. And it made me think of my regrets. I always said, live with no regrets. Although I say that, it doesn't mean I have no regrets. I do. But time passes and those regrets turn into lessons. And in a way, there's no regrets because now you know what you should or shouldn't do. But if I could go back in time,  what would I say to my past self? It may or may not change things. But atleast I said it. I would say,  1. Stop caring what others think. This would be a surprise to most people who knew me because I always gave the impression that I didn't care. But that's a blatant lie. I did care. But I acted like I didn't care. I acted like it didn't hurt. But it did. Terribly so. But as Tyrion from Game of Thrones, I wore it like an armour.  I didn't write because someone told me that it sucked. And true, it sucked. But practice leads to improvements.  And my biggest regret is that I didn't write as much as ...

So today, I turn 25. 2.5 decades. A quarter to a century. This is going to be a long one so forgive me. Let's start. Yesterday, a day before my birthday. I had a great time and I felt great too. I was reading this book that someone bought me for my birthday. As I sat and read, I definitely related to this book. As much as I claim to be an individualistic person, I do care about my family. So when books talk about family in a warm way, it just makes me tear up. Sophie Kinsella hit the spot with this book. With family, with career, with life, with love and everything. I'm very much like the main character. Wide eyed with my dreams. I do love city and its hustle and bustle. Only difference is, I am a city girl. Born and bred. Just like the main character, I did want my life to be "perfect". I didn't like ugly raw things. But I learnt that it isn't real life. Real life is messy. Real life gets ugly. Real life gets rough. Real life is filled ...

This might be a long one and I am sorry. I don't think adulthood is really that bad.  But despite that, I won't say it wasn't hard. As I have said before, last year wasn't a great year for me. I was angry, upset and frustrated. I was full of anxiety and fear. I was a complete nervous wreck. But that was because I was definitely focusing on the wrong things. I was only looking at my unfortunate circumstances And how they were disadvantage. Compared to other privileged people, I was behind. It felt like I had weights in a marathon race. I was angry. And it was easier to blame the world. But as time goes by, anger just wears you down. And I was getting emotionally tired. Somehow, my rationality kicked in.  And that changed my entire perspective. I begun to realise that my circumstances didn't define me. I begun to realise that just because I had weights tied to me, doesn't mean I can't slowly build the stamina to run just as fast. Y...