Birthday.
2.5 decades.
A quarter to a century.
This is going to be a long one so forgive me. Let's start.
Yesterday, a day before my birthday. I had a great time and I felt great too.
I was reading this book that someone bought me for my birthday.
As I sat and read, I definitely related to this book.
As much as I claim to be an individualistic person, I do care about my family. So when books talk about family in a warm way, it just makes me tear up.
Sophie Kinsella hit the spot with this book. With family, with career, with life, with love and everything.
I'm very much like the main character.
Wide eyed with my dreams.
I do love city and its hustle and bustle. Only difference is, I am a city girl. Born and bred.
Just like the main character, I did want my life to be "perfect".
I didn't like ugly raw things.
But I learnt that it isn't real life.
Real life is messy. Real life gets ugly. Real life gets rough. Real life is filled with tears. But real life is also filled with joy. Real life is filled whispers from best friends. Real life is also filled with warm hugs from family.
And that's real life.
It's both a headache and wonderful.
I smiled. Because over the years, I told myself that I would be true to my emotions and myself.
I would be real.
I would wear my heart out on my sleeve.
And I live this way now.
It's my philosophy.
It's my way of life.
And of course, my life isn't always perfect. I do get emotions that I dislike. But that's fine. I'll just learn how to handle them.
So as I was finishing my book, I smiled to myself.
I know how this feels.
My career just started.
I like my job although there's loads of work and loads to learn. But I'm excited.
I am where I want to be.
My family is supportive. My friends are kind and are a source of joy to me.
My lover is my home.
I smiled, knowing this is the life I want to lead.
It's not grand.
It's not perfect.
But it's good.
And I'm in the beginning of my adult life.
And I want to build it.
I had dinner with my friends that night and it was always good to see them.
They put a smile on my face all the time.
I miss them.
But then again, I always miss my friends.
That's just very me.
Then, I woke up this morning.
On my birthday.
And I was filled with so much anger and agitation.
I honestly don't know why.
I was just so so angry.
I didn't get it either.
Everything only seem to make me angrier.
It was such a different emotion from what I had last night.
I ended up crying in the middle of the day.
It sounds pathetic.
But it was good for me.
Atleast it is a release.
I still don't know why I felt so agitated or angry.
Maybe I don't need to know why.
Maybe it's just me.
I always known that I was born with alot of anger and fear.
It's the way I am.
Maybe it's just old programming.
Or maybe it's a sadness towards the death of youth or an age.
Or maybe it's nothing.
But as I cried, although most people would hate the fact that they are crying on their birthday, I find no shame in it.
My emotions is this at this moment.
That's all there is to it.
I don't really feel much about turning 25 except for the fact that yea, I'm a year older now.
Because to me, like I said earlier, my life has only just begun.
I have only started picking up the bricks and laying it down one by one.
Of course, I do wish I accomplished more.
Honestly, at 16, I thought I would have accomplished more at 25.
But I haven't.
And that doesn't mean I won't.
I'm on my way.
And I'm going to enjoy that journey completely.
After all, we only get one life. One shot. And we don't make it out alive.
So yea.
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