The Tales of Carmensakura

I got leaked exam results. For me, when I get my results, I consider that the point of where I graduate. Why? Because when the exams end, it's still uncertain. You can still fail things and end up still in university because you need to retake the papers. But when the results is out, it's certain. You know what grade you make. You know for certain, you don't have to go back there or if you have to go back there. The results for my exams were...interesting. They were both to my expectations and out of my expectations. My aim was first class, of course. And in the end, I only got second upper.  Well, I am not too disappointed.  Why? In the end, it's not the grades that mattered. It was what I learned. It was what has happened in this three years. University has been magnificently wonderful to me. I have learnt. Grown. Laughed.  Cried. Fought. My university has taught me that I can think. That I am one of the best. We all are. So chins up. Smi...

I definitely need a new goal I know this is my holiday. My last holiday because if all goes well, I graduate. I should be enjoying this last holiday. Unfortunately, I am not. It's odd. I'm just not doing anything except coming online every day or going out with friends occasionally. So I need a goal. To do something. Or else, I will remain really bored for a really really long time. I think I will make a list of what I want to do so that I can have a rough idea of what I want to do. To do list for the holidays. Write Read Learn to cook or bake Learn to drive again Right now, this is all I have in the list. I haven't done any of them yet but I think I should start soon. So yea. Let's have fun since this is my last holiday and all.

A friend sent me this song to listen to and I did. And for some odd reason, I connected with this song at certain parts. I understand that this is real life and sometimes, this overwhelms me. I understand what it feels like to feel like you are gonna break. To be staring in the abyss and to feel like you are cracking. I know what it is like to be in a really dark place. I remember what storms feel like and it was just so easy to give up. But I didn't. And thank god. I do know what it was like to feel like I was nothing but now, I feel like, my life is dream. In a way, I am so grateful for everything. For everything that has ever happened. The good and the bad. I am not saying that my life is perfect. It isn't. But I am so far away from where I used to be. And my life is only gonna get better. I also know that dreams are hard work. I know that you will have to struggle for your dreams sometimes. And sometimes, you don't even get it in the end. But that...

Music conveys a lot. And for me, there's often a few songs that I relate to or managed to say a situation that I went through before really well. I just found a song that managed to say a situation that I felt before really well. A song that I really connected to on a spiritual level. I haven't found a song that ever talked about a situation like this before so this song is the first and it suits it really well too. I embedded the video here. However, do ignore the video because it is a little weird. Even I can't watch it. I just listen to the music but ignore the video completely. I am going to paste the translation lyrics here. The seasons die out, one after another; the voice of death becomes wind A man not susceptible to the charms of the city looks up at the moon and notices how unrefined it all is. In a life stuck in mud, the rain itself tastes of alcohol With eyes filled with apathy as they wander the city, I’m an innocent man acting suspiciousl...

I don't usually talk about TV series but for this time, I must. So please, forgive me. (This might be a very long post. So consider yourself warned.) Grey's Anatomy. It's has been running for 10 seasons. I started watching this series when I was 14. Now, I am 21. I been watching this series for 7 years. This series means a lot to me. When I was 14, I had a really rough time. And Grey's Anatomy was one of those things that helped me hold on. I remember when I used to rush home from school to catch this series on TV. When this series started, it blew my mind away. It was a series about a bunch of intern doctors and their lives.  But what mattered to me in this series were that the characters here were very human. They got mad, they cried, they laughed and they danced. Yes, there was a lot of sleeping around in this series but I pushed that to one corner because that was not what matters. What matters was that this characters were very real.  Their l...

Some friendships don't work out because one day, you wake up to realize that this is not the friend you need. All this time, you took it. But now, you realize that you are better than this and you don't need to take their shit. Most of all, it hurts So, goodbye. You want to contact me. I let you. But now, you leave me hanging like you always do. This time, I'm not going to look for you like I always do. You want to talk to me, find me. Make an effort. Then, maybe, I'll think about it. For now, take care & have a good life. So, thanks for the memories. thanks for the memories, even though, they weren't so great,  here, tastes like you, but only sweeter.

My A-levels has just ended. Yesterday. It feels rather surreal. It feels like time flies. It only felt like yesterday that I entered A-levels, wishing that it was over. And now, it's really over. Endings. It's always bittersweet.  I'm really glad that the exams are over but I'm sad that all the experiences end here. I know that I will treasure those moments. Most of all, I know that I will miss those moments and the friends there. I do hope that our friendship will only continue to grow. So much things have happened even if it's only a short time. Happiness, sadness, despair, hope, pain and fear. When I look back, I can see how much I have grown and everyone else too. When we started, we were but young naive teenagers. But now, we are slightly more mature and wiser. Growing into young adults.  A-levels. It was torture but in this torture, we learnt so much. Frankly, I still can't really accept that A-levels has ended. My brain still can...

Well, my A level course will be over in about 3 to 4 months time. So now, on to the next thing in my life. What am I going to study for my degree? Hmm... This is a tough question. Anyhow, in my original list of what to study was :  - broadcasting   (I think this should just be a hobby) -law  (it's a love-hate relationship with this subject, so, I'm not sure. Some days, I love it. On other days, I absolutely hate it.) -economics  (I'm cool with this subject & there are days when I love it. Never hated this subject before though) - business (Definitely too mainstream) -psychology  (I will study this as minor subject) -finance (Sounds like a good idea as I really do love money and accounting currently.) So now, it's down to these three (Law, finance & economics.) I wonder what I should choose.  If you were to advice me, what do you think I should choose? What should I study for my degree? Law Finance Economics ...

Ask me 3 or 4 years ago and I would have thought that you were important to me. But not anymore. Since, it was the last year of high school, I just want to get together with you so that we can relive all the fun moments we had back then. I mean, we're friends. But then, now I remembered why we fought and broke off. To be honest, I was hurt by you afew times. But it's no matter. I learnt from the pain and became stronger. Honestly, I thank you for that. Now, my self-esteem is just higher and stronger. I learnt to love and deal with myself. Seriously, you are a fun person to be with when you're not mocking but you mock most of the times. And I guess, in the past I left you for a reason. So yea, now, I'll be fine without you. Just so you know, you aren't the center of my universe. If you talk to me, I'll talk to you but if you don't, I won't bother. So when high school is over. It's really goodbye. We might see each other in 20 years time but by then, w...

I guess it's time I grow up. When high school is over, I have to grow up, be a mature and a responsible little young lady. There's alot of things I have to learn. To be honest, I'm a little afraid of leaving graduating from high school. WHY? I mean, I've been going to school for years. And the thought that it will finally end is a relief but also a little frightening. But it's a new chapter in life. Everyone goes through it. So yea, I'm afraid but excited at the same time. There's so much to do after the graduating. College, driver licence & etc... I guess I'll miss high school a little. Never thought it would end...but yea, it will soon enough. Before I left high school, I need some closure. I mean, I made some friends & lost some friends. I do have some regrets. I was such an idiot and arrogant ass last time. So yea, before high school end, I need to send some letters to the few people I hurt. But I guess, that's high school. You make a hel...

Like every high school, my high school had it's fair share of drama. Heck, I had my fair share of drama. To make things more interesting, I study in an all-girls school which means more drama. (girls = drama + catfights) So yea... I broke some friendships and hurt other people while I got hurt too and lost a few friendships. A fair deal. Friendships are so complicated especially between girls. Sometimes, you give so much and sacrifice so much for the friendship yet you get nothing in return. Sometimes, you make ONE mistake and the friendship ends. Sometimes, you didn't put enough effort in and the friendship is over. So yea, I had a lot of catfights. This year is my senior year. So I don't want to fight so much and have too much drama. (too bad, I already fought this year) I wanna savour every last moment of this year because... when high school is over, I want to erase all the memories. A LITTLE HARSH? I don't think so. Moving on means looking forward and dropping all...