Writer's block?

Let me warn you first. This may turn out to be quite a long ranting post. So yea.



Frankly, I'm not really sure to call this a writer's block. I mean, I know how the story go and I know how it would end. 
But every time, I stare at the blank screen, I don't know what to write for that moment.









World's Apart. One of my stories. It already has 50000 words. I should finish it. But I don't how to pick it up from where it left off.

And apart of me, wants to reedit it or to rewrite it. I don't know why. But when I want to do it, I just get so lazy or so demotivated.




I guess, I feel embarrassed. When I reread some parts of World's Apart, I just feel so humiliated. I see it's ugly flaws, it's terrible cliche plot device or it's horrible character development. Then, I get so mad by it. 



I mean, I'm angry because I don't want to disappoint my characters. There are always so beautiful. 
I love all of them and I want their stories to be told properly.
But for some reason, I can't write right now. Yet, I want to write so badly.

I guess, I'm also afraid. If I do finish World's Apart, it feels like, they are leaving me. It's odd, I suppose. 
It's pathetic but I don't want them to leave me and I also don't want to leave them.

I'm not sure about other writers but for me, when I write, my characters become alive. Even though, I created them, they have their own life. And as I write and live, they live and as they live, the more I live.

I need them more than they need me. They are babies and no matter what, I love them. They are even more perfect than me despite of all their flaws and sufferings.



Despite World's Apart having loads of flaws, I still love it. It's still one of my babies. And I will be forever proud of it.

But I made up my mind, I will finish World's Apart. 

Then, after World's Apart, I will write my other stories.

To be honest, despite how flawed my story plots are or my own writing is, I will forever be proud of all my characters.
My characters are all so beautiful. Flawed yet perfect.



And just like CLAMP (my favourite storytellers), I like to experiment as well. I like to combine two different stories and worlds together just to see what I can get. I like to put a character from another story into a whole different story.

I hope that one day, I will be as good as CLAMP, being able to weave different elements into a story to create a beautiful work of art. Most of all, being able to create a good story.

Right now, all I am is an amateur, who is trying to put different elements into a story and is failing miserably. 
I need to do my characters justice. 
I need to be a better writer. 
SIGHS.

Anyhow, this is my current lists of stories that have been circling in my head. 
(from most developed to most under developed)

• World's Apart
• Xerxes
• Lunette Anya Lux
• Nathan and Laura
• King's Advisor
• The Drifter
• Aeon
• Magica

Yup, I know. I have a lot of stories. But they are my stories. One day, maybe, one day in the future, I will be able to finish them all.

And even when I finish, I hope I will find more stories to write. 




Writing is just my way of living. The more I write, the more I get to live. It's my therapy, it's my expression and it's my babies. 

Everything I write has some symbolic meaning in it. Everything I write has a certain place in my heart and has helped me in certain moments. 

My writing shows my life and everything I have been through. But that's only if you can find the links. 

And I wonder, can you find the links?