What a week it has been.

This is going to be a long post. So be warned.

It has been a very turbulent week. There were some good moments and some bad moments. 

Bad moments when my head seems to spin and my thoughts drown me. Moments where I needed to be left alone but unfortunately, this is the time to socialize with relatives.

Good moments when I start to see the light again and my thoughts slowly fade away. Moments where I actually felt happy.

Anyhow, I actually invited friends over for Steamboat during the Chinese New Year. This is rare because, I usually don't invite anyone over. By the way, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR, people~~!

It was fun and I enjoyed my time. I feel honored that they think my house look like a Japanese house (compact and systematic). Frankly, I think it's just messy. That's why I hardly invite anyone over but I'm honored.

Most of all, I like Winnie's idea of writing right now. Creating a character that represent you or rather, creating a whole new you.
It's my current obsession. 

If they said that the creation is a reflection of the creator, then, what am I saying?

Like, Winnie's character is simply great. 

An intelligent and justice loving demi-god. 

What does that say about her? 

She's intelligent, right and strong. 

This is a wonderful reflection.

Then, there's Min's awesome character. 

A floating spirit that has forgotten.

What does that say about her?

She's still looking for her identity or she can create them, has hidden strengths and she is mysterious.

This shows a beautiful reflection.

What about my character?

A royal half-breed vampire who ran away and whose family is hunting her down.

What does this say about me?

I have no idea. I have no idea how this even reflects me. 

But I created her, easily.

She feels perfect to me.

Even if I toss her aside and start again to create a character that resembles me more,
It'll still end up with something like this.

The end result would still be a character who is cold, sad and trapped.

So no. I won't start again because it'll just be the same.
But what does she mean or what does she say about me?
I have no idea.

All I know is, right now, she needs to exist. 

And like all my characters, I love her from the bottom of my heart and I'm proud of her.

But we'll just see what purpose she has and how she'll turn out.

I don't know what other writers say but this is the fun in writing or creating. 
To create but not know the end result.
To see the character grow and unfold itself.
To watch it take life and become bigger than what you thought it'll ever be.

People say characters are part of the writer.

I disagree.

My characters may have been created by me but they are better than me.
They have their flaws but they are all perfection.
They are not me. They outgrew me. They are better than me.
Is it even possible for a fictional character to outgrow its creator? 
Absolutely.

That's why I'm so sure that this character will turn out just as well.

Other than that, this week, I made my decision between a good reality and a cracked dream.

I chose a good reality.

Is it a good decision?
I don't know.
Only time will tell.

But just because I made this decision, does it mean that my dreams are now gone forever?

Well, I refuse to believe that.

I want to believe that dreams are eternal.
They don't die. They can't die.

So yes, it was true that my dreams were smashed into a billion pieces and that made me absolutely sad.
But just like a phoenix, it will rise again from its ashes.

So, dreams are eternal.