My biggest fear.

One of my goals is to be more real and raw. To discuss how I feel so I am going to do that with this post.

What is my biggest fear?

Honestly, my biggest fear is to turn out like Gatsby from the book, The Great Gatsby. 

What do I mean by that?

Gatsby is literally me. As in, he is ambitious, idealistic and wants so much more than he can ever have. He is so willing to chase what he wants that he is able to forget his past and where he comes from. He can even delude himself into thinking that he is somehow "the chosen one" or "the son of god".

I am all of those above as well.

Yes, I have loads of dreams and I am absolutely idealistic.

I think the danger of Gatsby is that he is really good at deluding himself.

And I realise that I have this talent too. I can easily close my eyes and ignore that the world is on fire if I have to.

As I read Great Gatsby, I cried because it was just so sad. It was sad how he craved people's acknowledgement and how that led it to his demise.

And at that point, I realise that this could be me too.

My biggest fear is that one day, I get so deluded, I cannot see what is important and real anymore.

I'm scared that I will be as deluded as Gatsby and as alone and as sad as he is.

I just hope that I won't.

That I will always remember to be grateful for what I have.
To always remember that the little things count
And to always remember that my friends and my family are what makes life quite wonderful.

I just hope I will remember.