Decisions after decisions

This will be a rather serious and long post. So yea. I have warned ya~! Muahaha~!

Life is a series of decisions.

When we are younger, we don't quite see it.
Maybe because those decisions don't seem too important such as what to eat.

Even in university, those decisions didn't seem as heavy as it is now.
Such as what to study?
Even though choosing what to study was important as it did set the course for the future
But it was not earth shattering.
No matter what I studied, it didn't matter. After all, people could get jobs that weren't related to what they studied. The future can change.

And with that, I chose to study what I love.
Hence, it wasn't a really hard decision at all.

But now, these decisions are heavy.
Because it directly impacts the future.
Whatever I choose now will directly change my future path.
But then again, the thing about the future is that it's fluid.

It can always change if you don't like it and decide to change it.

Currently, I have made a decision to not further my studies.
I decided to stay in the working world.
Why?
Because I truly do enjoy the financial freedom it brings. I like the idea of controlling my finances and planning my life.
And studying would mean the end of that as I would probably be dependent again and whatever plans for the future that I have would probably be on hold. 

Honestly, I am not that patient. After all, I can always further my studies later when I find it necessary.

I think my main problem is that I am afraid of making a wrong mistake. Of taking the wrong turn. 
I don't want to waste time. After all, I already feel the clock ticking.

Even though I am aware that everyone is on a different time chart and path. I shouldn't compare. I should take my time and just enjoy the journey.
I know all this.
And yet sometimes, I just feel extremely frustrated and restless.

Second decision, I am not renewing this job contract after the year ends. 

Honestly, this is not a bad job. The people are great and the company is not bad. However, job scope wise, this is not what I want.
I don't hate my job.
But I don't love it either.

I guess the problem with my generation is that we were thought to chase our dreams, live our passion and be happy.
We forget that sometimes, this doesn't happen all the time.
We forget that we must find a dream and a passion.
We forget that we must sacrifice in order to achieve.

And when we are just mediocre, it feels like a curse because all our life, we were told we were special.

Frankly, I don't blame our parents. They wanted the best for us. They wanted us to believe that we could do anything if we put our heart and soul into something. And honestly, they aren't wrong.

But we forget that sometimes before you can run, you must learn to crawl and then to walk. 
And we forget, in that process we will fall.
And my, we are so afraid of falling.

Or maybe this is just relevant to me. It isn't my generation fault. It's mine.

I want more. 
But what more do I want?
Suddenly, I cannot answer.

I want to be happy and to go after my passion.
But ask me how to be happy and what is my passion.
Suddenly, I grow silent.

I know this requires me to figure out.
I been sitting and thinking this entire time. My mind churning. 
Although I managed to make two decisions already.
I still haven't made one more.

I haven't decided if I want to stay in this industry or leave it.

What industry am I in? Well, I studied economics and management. My job is currently an accounting one. But the industry I mean is related to economics and management such as finance.

If I do move away from this industry, I will move to either event management or to life coaching.

I was a coach in holiday camps as a teenager and it was something I have always enjoyed. And honestly, I could picture myself doing this for life. So I am fine with it.

As for event management, during those holiday camps, we would have to deal with the planning of the camp so I picked up a few event management skills along the way. And honestly, I enjoy it too. It's fun, insane and filled with adrenaline rush. Not sure if I can handle this all the time but it sure is fun. 

The reason why I am reluctant to move away from my industry is because I want to use the knowledge I acquire from degree. However, is that the job for me? I am still uncertain. 
After all, I do love money and I love the rush and bustle of trading. So yea.

I am still uncertain.

If you have stuck this long, I am now asking you. What should I decide? Help me? Thanks for sticking so long and most of all, thanks for helping me decide. 

What should I decide?

Stay in the current industry

Event management

Life coach