Family?
These are my thoughts and my opinions. And being an Asian that grew up in a collective society, this may be an opinion or thought that many may not like or it may be something you agree with. And oh yeah, this is gonna be a long post.
Recently, some "family" issues has been happening and I just reminded how different my values are with my own parents. I felt that I just have to talk about it here. My mother might probably be mad that I'm talking about this here because she would feel that there is no need to air the dirty laundry.
But me, on the other hand, I just feel that this is the truth and there is no harm in saying it.
Personally, if you ask me if I'm a family oriented person, my answer would be no. I'm an individualist. Coming from an Asian family that grew up in a collective society, this is a shocking answer. And honestly, I don't find the need to apologize for it nor do I care if someone thinks it is wrong.
Recently, my paternal aunt and uncles were behaving badly in my opinion. They were pressing my parents by selling their share of my grandparents house to them. My aunt and uncles aren't poor. They don't need the money. My parents don't have a thick ass bank account and yet they are trying to squeeze them because it's just available for squeezing. And my parents, being kind, they bought it despite knowing that it would hurt them financially.
Due to this situation, I was absolutely livid. My family was quarreling because well, I disagreed with this situation completely.
I decided that I want nothing to do with those relatives and it makes my parents mad. Because well, we are family.
But this is where I disagree.
I don't define family as people who are related to me.
I define family as people who were there for me in my good and bad times.
These aunt and uncles have given me nothing but hard time. So to me, they aren't family.
I have told my parents before that when I have my own apartment, my friends are welcomed to stay in it anytime.
And I'd probably enjoy throwing dinner parties.
That's just the kind of domestic life that I would enjoy.
And my parents asked me if my relatives were invited to these dinner parties or allowed to stay in my apartment.
My answer was no.
This obviously made my parents a little mad.
I'm not a fan of my relatives.
I grew up, being compared and told what I should or should not be.
And it annoys me.
And they always wanted me to behave a certain way but I don't and that annoys them.
So it makes things worse because they end up, disliking me more.
I'm an individualist.
This means I put myself first.
My family members can ask.
But when things get tight, I will always choose what my heart and soul tells me to.
I have also told my parents that if the future comes and my relatives ask for my help, I will actually say no.
This obviously pisses my parents off even more.
They say I'm being cruel and vengeful.
I personally disagree with what they call me.
I don't think I'm being cruel or vengeful.
If I was vengeful, then, I would have created a situation that would cause them problems.
But I'm not into that.
I am not cruel but I certainly will not extend my kindness to people who slammed the door in my family face when we needed them.
I will just say no and walk away.
I call it consequences to your action years ago.
If you wanted me to help, maybe you should have been kind to my family all those years ago.
But you didn't.
And now, I'm not inclined to help.
I know many might disagree.
Call me what you want.
But I am kind to those who have been kind to me.
To those who are disadvantaged.
To those who need it.
But never to those who caused pain and hurt to others.
Unless they repented.
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