Honeymoon & restlessness.

Well, my training in the branch attachment is over.
This means that work wise, my honeymoon period is over.

To be honest, the branch attachment has been a honeymoon period because all I did was observe how a branch function, take note of it and then write a report about it.

Technically, I haven't really started working.

So now, this honeymoon period is over. 

And honestly, I am worried about going back to my real department where my real work start.

I'm worried that it may be boring because it will be a back end job about data.
So that means there will be loads of staring at the computer and loads of data while being surrounded by technical work.

I haven't never been a technical person and I get bored easily thus, I worry.

However, I can take this as a challenge. To challenge myself to focus on more technical things. To stop being so bored easily. To focus. 

Other than that, in the long run, I know this career will be good for me because I have a feeling that the future would require people with this sort of experience. Thus, in that sense, there is nothing bad in this career.

Sadly, feelings are very common sense like. Thus, despite these two thoughts, my fear and worries still exist. But I decided to take it in my best stride.

Due to this honeymoon period, I had a lot of free time in my hands. (which I wasted, sadly and regrettably. But I promise myself that after this honeymoon period, I will go back to chasing my goals and doing my best.)

Thanks to free time in my hands, my brain started going places again. And once again, I must say, this makes me restless. I hate having this restless feeling. It feels like I want to do a million and one things at the same time. But since that's not possible, it only frustrates me more and that makes me even more restless. Thus, a horrible vicious cycle.

I admit it's hard when I feel this way. It's this pressure in both my chest and my soul. It's wanting to be everywhere but here. It's wanting to be elsewhere but not knowing where. But when you do try to go somewhere to settle this feeling, it's not enough. You don't want to be here either. You want to be somewhere else. 

It's wanting to dance, write and read all at the same time. It's wanting to do more but not knowing what. It's the feeling that you are doing nothing and wasting time so you want to do everything. It's wanting to change the world but not knowing where to start.

Most of all, it's the feeling of dissatisfaction with anything and everything.

So I just try to breathe.

I try to rationalize my feelings.

I try to look at my goals and see if there's anything I can add.

I try to formulate a short term plan to my current goals.

I try to remind myself that I'm working towards my goal in my life. I'm building my life and it's gonna take time.

If I can only show myself the progress of the steps that I have taken towards my goal and if I can show myself that I am doing something, just maybe, this restlessness would subside.

So yea.