Murky

Honestly, 2019 wasn't that great a year for me.

It started out badly. 

But it didn't help that emotionally, I was all over the place.

It took time for me to figure it out and to deal with it.

I actually failed to achieve almost all of my new year resolution this year.

A rare thing really since I been managing to achieve my new resolution for a few years now.

That sense of failure and disappointment wasn't easy for me to deal with it.

But slowly, I dealt with it and worked through it.

The past few years has been great for me. 

So now, I'm having a not so good year and it's only fair.

In life, you can't always just have all good and no bad. It's always a mix.

The crazy thing is, my emotional turmoil was somewhat created by myself. It was because I was just self critical and being a young person, I guess I also didn't know what I want in life. For some reason, I was pressuring myself to know when I clearly didn't know. Yea, it's insane in that way.

But sometimes, this is where I'll say life is crazy. No matter how much you grow, you think, oh, I settled this so now, I'm good. This will no longer be an issue. But that's not true. It'll come back one day. Because as humans, we sometimes makes mistakes. And it's not easy to even live, having balance in your life. There is always some element that would go wack and you'll have to rebalance that. It's insane.

But that's life.

And I guess, we keep learning as we go and we can only try your best.

But now that I'm coming out of this and so the murky clouds are leaving. And like the shimmer in the picture, the sun is coming back out. A storm has ended and now, good days are to come. 

I can feel that I'm back. The creative happy me is back. Instead of the scared, frustrated me. 

And that's good.

Well, it's the last two days of 2019. For what it's worth, let's make full use of them and make them good!