All the things that I miss

 

I just finished watching Emily in Paris lately. Honestly, it wasn't a great show. It started out okay. It had the whole Parisian dream vibe going for it and for a while, that was nice. But after a while, you'll realise the characters are a little shallow. 

Not only that, the everything always turns out fine for her. I guess after a while, it gets abit boring that nothing terrible happens to her. Nothing is at stake for her. However, I totally lost interest in the show when she said that, back at her home country, she knew everything that's going to happen. 

This is where it's a little nonsense. Any twenty something never says that. If anything, twenty somethings always say, help me? I don't know what I'm doing and most of all, I don't know where I'm going with my life. Either way, the show became increasingly frustrating in the end that even the Parisian dream charm couldn't save it.

But enough of the show. As I watched that show, it made me go, oh, Paris is so beautiful. I wish to go there one day.

Paris is in my to travel one day list. So yes, I would definitely love to go Paris one day. In this pandemic, we will just have to wait anyway. After all, this is no time to travel.

As I watch the show and listen to some music, I realised that all this is just making miss things. 

I know some people might say, it's not like you can't do them now. We just have to take precaution. 

But what most people don't understand is, covid19 has been hard for my anxiety. 

I do my best. I take precautions. 

But I would be lying if I said that it's not in the back of my head.

I miss not having my anxiety not taunt me like this.

I miss being a little bit more carefree.

Now, even as I eat out, I worry a little.

Honestly, I haven't even been to a hairdressers since February. 

With the sudden increase of covid19 cases in my country, I have started not going out unless it was necessary.

It does suck abit because I was only starting to eat out a little more often. But now, I have gone back to staying indoors. A self imposed lockdown for my own ease of mind.

I just feel sad because I miss the life before this pandemic hits.

I miss hanging out with friends without that anxiety in my head.

I miss the late night drives with friends.

I miss the beach.

I miss eating in restaurant without a care in the world.

I miss traveling.

I miss going to cafe just to people watch. 

I miss being able to run in the park without caring if the person next to me is well or sick.

I miss the good old days.

I await for the day when this ends.

Because the moment this ends, I can go back to the life I had.

It wasn't much but atleast I wasn't this anxious. But even for me, I admit that I'm lucky to enough to atleast still have a job in these times.

So if you are like me and find yourself feeling sad over the pandemic, I'm with you. I feel your sadness too.

I know people talk about how the pandemic or lockdown has made them more productive. Well, that's them and good for them.

But for us, we're sad and that's alright. We are losing a way of life. It's okay to grieve.

And let's not pretend that this pandemic has been hard on some people. So not everyone will be alright and that's okay.

Anyhow, just take care and stay safe.

Let's just look forward to this ending soon.