The Tales of Carmensakura

I'm tired of giving a damn or rather listening and taking other people's crap. I'm tired of hearing what I can't do. I'm tired of hearing people restricting me using their words. I'm tired of people demotivating me or just saying how lame I am. I'm tired of people labelling and calling me names. I'm just so tired. I used to think that I never cared but I was wrong. I did care. I did take in what they say. I did believe in what they say and I was stopping myself. I was stopping myself from improving myself. Their words were like chains. Chains that bind me. Slowly, these chains began to stop me and I just stopped doing things I liked because I feared about what others have said about it. But not anymore, I'm not going to let that stop me. These chains that bind me, I'm going to break free and I'm going to what I like. And guess what, I don't care what they say anymore. I really don't. I'm going to break free and do the things I lov...

Bon Noel, everyone. That is how the French wud say it. Noël Mémoire is french for Christmas Memory. Christmas is the season of giving...(and presents.) So like any Christmas, I got some pretty nice presents. Nowadays, Christmas is a little different from when I was younger. Nowadays, we go to our cousin's house on chrismas eve to exchange presents. When I was younger, it was just a celebration between me and family. Sadly, this year, we have no christmas tree because our christmas tree was ruined last year. I remember when I was younger, Christmas felt more magical. And Christmas was the only time of the year, my family went to church for their midnight mass. Anyhow, even when I was a kid, I knew Santa didn't exist and it was my parents who bought me lovely presents. My parents also were very honest about Santa being a fake. We played Christmas songs and sang to them. Every night, I would stare at the glittering Christmas Tree. The lights would shimmer at night, when all the li...

I just came back from coaching the SK and IAG camps. And yeah, I was coaching back to back camps. I was so tired when I came back. I even slept 14 hours straight. Hehe... Like I said earlier, these are my last camps and honestly, I feel sad. Coaching SK and IAG reminded me why I loved coaching so much. I loved coaching because I loved seeing the changes for the better in a person. Being a coach is not easy. You get to sleep extra late, wake up early, eat less, rush around and you have to control your state which is not easy. In SK, the kids there were quite nice but then again, not all were nice. My assistant coach was Yi Jean and she was quite good. She helped me out at times and because I have been solo coaching for so damn long, I kinda forgot how to share tasks with another coach. Nonetheless, SK ended awesomely. And the feedback I got were pretty nice. The PD said that I had alot of passion. In IAG, it was slightly different. At first, I was intimidated. I mean, all the old awesom...

My top 3 priorities from now on are : 1. School Studies 2. French 3. Music School Studies. Ok, my finals result really sucked badly. And because of that, I have to focus on my studies from now on. Yea, that means I have to really study but do I really have a choice? *sigh* French I have to focus on French if I wanna be good. My french grammar is really horrible. *sigh* As if english grammar is not hard enough, now, I have to deal with French grammar. But, I have to admit that French is a pretty cool language once you get to know it. Music Yea,my parents are gonna let me learn the violin. So I'm gonna start learning the violin this January. So, I'm pretty happy about that and if I wanna be good, I gotta practice every single day. And this time, I'm gonna play it right. Updates :~ Well, anything that are not in these priorties will have to be dropped or thought out carefully before making a decision. So yea, I'm dedicating my current life to the 3 priorities. I know it s...

A quiz told me that my theme song is boulevard of broken dreams by green day. At first, I thought that it was bullshit but after listening to that song several times. I agree. That song is my theme song...for now. The year 2009 has been hard, rough and tough for me. I had more depressing moments this year than happy moments. This year definitely wasn't my best year. I didn't get the sweet sixteen feeling. I got the opposite instead. And it's true. I feel like I'm walking like a boulevard of broken dreams. Everything I wanted to achieve, I didn't. And for a while, this felt very painful. But I know that I have to move on and forward. The further I walk, the longer I see the road ahead of me. But it's never about the destination, it's about the journey. So I might as well, take my time and enjoy myself. So here are the 5 promises I made to myself. 1. I love myself at all times & I'm worthy. 2. I will finish what I started 3. I will do my best at all ti...

This is the first blog post that will have nothing to do with me but rather of a close friend of mine. I want to post her story as I want her voice to be heard.(Yea, she doesn't blog or tweet) This close friend of mine is a cutter. She cuts herself. I, myself too wondered why would she do such a thing. Was it a punishment? Was it a hobby? What was it? So this close friend of mine, named T. She is an ordinary 16 year old girl like me, the only differences is that she cuts herself. You think that she may come from a screwed up family with issues. But that was not her case. She had 2 wonderful parents who loved her and showered her with love. They never really pressured her on anything. She is smart, thin, from a well to do family and pretty. So...where exactly does her problem lie? She said that she started cutting by accident. She started when she was 14 years old. She accidently cut herself on a broken glass while picking pieces of broken vase. When the glass cut her s...

Ok, just for your information... I am still alive and no, I haven't abandoned my blog. The reason why I haven't blogged or been online is bcuz I finally moved to my "new" house and this "new" stupid house didn't have any internet. I still have no internet and so please forgive me, if I dun visit your blog. I'm still waiting for my internet to arrive. Well, I'm gonna rant bout some stuff bcuz I haven't been online for so long...and I have lots to say. 1. "New" House. Ok, eventhough this house is twice the size of my old small, cramped apartment. Yea, this house is bigger and more comfortable. But I hate this damn house. WHY? Well, because, I don't have the internet. And this house feels funny. I just don't like it. Period. I wish I could tell my dad tat. But I know I can't bcuz he likes this stupid house. Because this house is the family heirloom or some crap like that. 2. Internet Can't you believe that I have no int...