The Tales of Carmensakura

I have always loved Christmas. It's one of my favourite things. I can't even quite pinpoint the reason why I love Christmas. There's something in the air. Something magical and wonderful. And I always feel like a child again. Full of excitement and merriment.  Honestly, I usually just spend my Christmas with my family. We would eat breakfast, open our presents and then spend the whole day watching those super cliche heartwarming Christmas movies. Nothing special. Yet this is my favourite time of the year. I feel festive.  I feel like celebrating. Maybe it's because it's almost the end of the year. And I have always like ending the year with a bang. So that I can start the year with a bang. Or maybe there's just no reason. But problem with being festive is that I feel celebrating when I should really be studying. This is my final year and I really want to complete focus on my studies. But now, I feel festive so that dampens my study mo...

With the recent news, it's obvious that the world is in a lot of pain, sadness and grief.  As much as I feel this sadness, pain and grief, I choose against it. What do I mean by that? What I'm trying to say is I choose kindness and love. I choose to spread kindness and love. I choose to be positive. I choose to be optimistic. I choose to be kind. I know some might say, aren't you just ignoring the pain and sadness?  That's not true. I'm not ignoring. I'm just saying that there's already too much pain, sadness and grief. And I don't want to perpetuate that.  For example, the recent thing that happened in Paris, France. It's such sad news. People are outraged and shock. I understand that. But to suddenly condemn all muslims? That's not fair at all. Instead of hating muslims, I think we should be united and show kindness to the victims and one another. Because I think being kind and showing love says that, you are stronger than ...

I feel a little sad that this year I can't join NaNoWriMo. What is NaNoWriMo? It's the  Na tional No vember Wri ting Mo nth. Usually, I would participate in this but I choose not to this year because this is my final year and I want to focus on my studies completely. But since it's November and it's as if my body remembers, I truly have been aching to write.  And it doesn't help when every writer is talking about their writing on social media. It truly is aching. I promise myself that the moment my exams end, I will write.  I need to finish one story anyway. It's long overdue anyway. But it's weird though, having inspirations occasionally. Just wanting to write. Funny thing is, I am not sure what I want to write. But there's just this gnawing thought that shouts, TIME TO WRITE. TIME TO WRITEEEEE. So yea. But I think I'll go look at a word prompt later and then go write. 

My electronics are always a little bit crazy. I swear, my electronics always seem to have their own personality. Even back when I was younger, I have a PC and even it was slightly temperamental.  Why am I talking about my electronics? Well, I think it's because my phone and my powerbank have been behaving oddly. Like a little oddly. Like my powerbank, it could charge to 100% one day for my phone but the next day, it wouldn't charge above 77%. And my phone, one minute, it's fluid but the next, it isn't. So yea. But yea, my electronics are behaving oddly.  But then again, they have always been that way. So yea. Anyway, just take care of your electronics.

I'm gonna warn you from the very start. This is gonna be a long post. So yea. I warned you~! Anyway, with that out of the way, I can finally start. This is going to be a post that I'm going to be raw and real as possible. Honestly, it's a little hard to write because it means thinking about old wounds again. But I need to do this. This is the only way I can finally let it go and be completely whole again. I meant this to be a diary post but I decided, I might as well write it here because there is no harm in that. Because this is a story of a recovery. A story where wounds heal and you can be whole again. So this is empowering. And I think this is something the world needs more of.  Because we hear stories of how people heal but we never hear how long they took and what it took. And how much pain they endured in that time. Because society just likes to hear the pretty part, the part where they are healed. But of course, some people record their struggle. But not ...

My friend wrote a letter to her past self. And it made me want to write a letter to my past self. There are things that I want to tell my 16 year old self and even my 19 year old self. And this is a warning, this is gonna be a long post. So here goes :  Hello there, it's me from the future. I have so much to say to you. For a long time, I never really wanted to say much to you, even if I could because then, I would ruin the fun. Plus, you need to grow from each experience. And I do not want to ruin that growth by giving you clues or hints. But I think, once in a while, we need encouragement and I guess this is what this is about. I understand things don't make much sense. I understand that you feel completely alone sometimes. I understand. Most of all, I get that you are scared. So very scared. You are afraid to take that leap. What if you fall? What if nothing ever turns out the way you want it to? What if you dream so hard only to fall hard on your face? ...

Everything is finally falling into place. Things are finally making sense. Every pain, every tear and every sadness I ever had is starting to make sense. All those time when I sad, but I just continued with my life, with a hope that slowly everything will pay off and everything will make sense one day.  And now, it's happening. I'm not saying that my life is completely perfect. It's not. But I am happy. I am looking at my life and I am liking where I am. I am liking everything about my life so far. Funny thing is, all this will change soon because I will graduate soon. So everything will change. Why am I saying that everything makes sense? I guess I am being rewarded for my patience, pain and faith all this time. Almost every single aspect of my life is good right now.  Except for one. My physical body. Well, that's nothing much. I just need to start working out and eating right. So I wish the haze would go away so that I can start working o...