Emotions.

I do admit that sometimes emotions are messy, annoying and loud.
I do understand why some people might hate their emotions or having emotions. 

However for me, I have never truly hated my emotions.

Personally, I have always liked to sit down and pick my emotions out bit by bit. 
I like to try to understand why I feel a certain way and sometimes, that helps to give me back some control.

That's why most of the times, I understand why I feel a certain way.
When I am aware why I feel a certain way, I can sometimes slowly change my own emotions consciously.

However, there are times when the emotion is so overwhelming that even though I understand why I feel this way, there is still no way to relief myself from these emotions.

This is where I feel extremely lucky that I write.

I still remember a period in my life where I was extremely upset and at that point, I didn't really quite understand why.
But I wrote.
I remember carving out my emotions and inserting them in a story.

I remember creating the characters from those emotions.
I remember sculpting them.
I remember the intensity when I wrote.
How I blocked everything out and just focused on this story.

By the time I was done, the story and the characters were complete.
It was a rather sad story with loads of suffering and pain.

But the funny thing is, creating this story have helped me healed.
Watching the characters fight back and persevere against the pain and suffering has given me strength.
Creating this story has also somewhat helped me figure out why I felt the way I felt and it has also helped me release the overwhelming tension of my emotions.

And that is why I write.

It's not because I have a talent in it.
It's because I don't really have choice.
It's because it's the only way I know how to express myself and my emotions.
It's because it's the only way to sometimes stop the noise in my head.

With NaNoWriMo coming tomorrow, I just wanted to make a post on what makes me a writer or rather, why I write.