The Tales of Carmensakura

I got leaked exam results. For me, when I get my results, I consider that the point of where I graduate. Why? Because when the exams end, it's still uncertain. You can still fail things and end up still in university because you need to retake the papers. But when the results is out, it's certain. You know what grade you make. You know for certain, you don't have to go back there or if you have to go back there. The results for my exams were...interesting. They were both to my expectations and out of my expectations. My aim was first class, of course. And in the end, I only got second upper.  Well, I am not too disappointed.  Why? In the end, it's not the grades that mattered. It was what I learned. It was what has happened in this three years. University has been magnificently wonderful to me. I have learnt. Grown. Laughed.  Cried. Fought. My university has taught me that I can think. That I am one of the best. We all are. So chins up. Smi...

It's been a month since I started work officially.  I don't hate my job. But I am not sure if I love it either. Do I enjoy it? Yes, but that's because the environment is nice. People there are nice and friendly. The office is nice. So yea. I am still not sure what kind of job I want. But I realise that I want a job that allows me to think. Apparently, I like to use my brains. Mundane routine things aren't quite my things actually. Can I do it? Yes. But do I want to? Not really. But surprisingly, I find myself enthusiastic currently in my life.  I like the idea of being able to handle my own expenses. I like the idea of being able to live my own life. I like the idea that I am starting the journey of my life. For me, I believe this is the time to start planning and going out to live the life you want. I believe that this is the time to plan and then to grind for the life you want. This is the time to put the effort. This is the time to work. This is ...

Just when things keeps going up and I think it was impossible for things to a turn that I didn't like. And it just did. Maybe this is a lesson to me, that no matter how much you grow, mistakes will still be made.  But for me, I am just disappointed in myself. This mistakes feels like I'm back to square one. It's as if all the progress have been wiped out. It's feels like I'm back there.  I know that I will always struggle with expression and holding my tongue. That will always be a problem of mine. Maybe it's a mistake to even use a social media device as a place to unload all your thoughts. I have always done it and it has caused some problems for me even in the past.  But I guess, like people said, bad habits die hard. Especially when you start to rely on it to allow yourself to sort out your own thoughts or to let it go. I am aware that I will have to accept and live with the consequences. I get that. But I am just severely disappointed with my...

I watched an anime where a girl managed to write a letter to her past self of ten years. True, that's not possible in reality but the concept of that is interesting. She wrote to her ten years younger self to avoid her regrets. She wanted her past self to change certain decisions in the past so that her current self won't have any regrets. Personally, I wouldn't want to tell my past self to change her decisions to avoid regrets. Do I have regrets? Yes. But I won't change them because I learnt from them. And that has been grow as a person. So I don't quite regret that. However, if I could write a letter to my past self, it would be fun. If I were to write to my ten years younger self, that would be my 13 year old self.  And this is what I would love to say. Dear me, Hello there. This is your 23 year old self. I know, it's unbelievable. You can barely imagine yourself at that age currently.  I still remember being 13. Vaguely. My memory isn't that ...

I just got my first job.  It's a new phase of my life. At first, I was a little sad because well, I know I will miss university. I had such a great time in university. I was studying what I love, it was challenging and I had great friends there. All in all, it was awesome. One of the best times of my life. Truly. To move on to a new phase of life after having such a great one, well, I am a little reluctant. But the crazy thing about life is that it changes whether you like it or not. The sands shifts beneath your feet and time inches forward. And everything is different now. Whether you like it or not. My university friends have also gotten jobs. We are already slowly moving on. The clock is ticking, moving forward whether or not I want it to.  Watching them get jobs makes me realize that everything is changing now. It's changing. And I have to change with the times too. Anyway, I just started work. Everyone there is nice and frien...

Lately, I have been traveling. The reason for this is because I have gotten a job and I will start soon. But before I start, I want to travel abit and see different sights from what I am used to. I took two roadtrips. One with family and the other with friends. On both roadtrips, I noticed that the mountains were no longer as green as they used to be. Raw red land exposed, without any trees. It's was as if someone was destroying nature. This made me a little upset.  I never realised how bad deforestation is until these roadtrips. To see nature being cut down for our humanly things such as construction is very sad indeed. We, humans, are literally hurting the very planet we are living in. Even in tourist spots such as caves, nature was not spared. You could hear the sounds of construction and you could clearly see nature being cut down. Once again, the bare red land without trees was there. If even caves in tourists spots are not spared, it only goes to show how bad thi...

Well, in my life, there has been a few people who looked me in the eye and said that I couldn't do it. They have said that I wasn't that kind of person. Or that I required something because I was lacking. AND GUESS, WHAT? I am not lacking. I can do whatever I want. YOU CANNOT TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE. Don't come up to me and say, hey, that's just reality. WRONG. That's your crappy reality. My reality is different. My reality will not be defined by your reality. My reality is what I define it to be. I will make this life mine. I will embrace this life. I will make it good. I will be do the best that I can. This is a new beginning for me. And I will do my best. And I will make it good. No, I will make it extraordinary. And this will be my life.  And I will forever be grateful for everything and everyone.